"a moment of carthasis (really???)" retrieved frm youth.arm blog

hello ppl!

1st of all, thanx paik yin, i think i should advertise my blog link right in this very post. it's http://babblesnramblings.blogspot.com
like ghafir, i'm also new into all these blogging stuff, so i guess i'll take it slowly & gently at a time..

hmm....how should i start??? after all the evaluation conundrums (shall i just ditch the word evaluation & just call it frantic self-check???) we all went thru (or maybe it was just me??i bet everyone's feeling the same ya), i realise tht it takes more than just plain jump off the cliff...it depends on each & every individual on how they confront/handle the situation (or tension, rather).as for me, i realise tht i can indulge into something very, very, VERY DEEPLY & i personally find it dificult 2 let go of things/memories until i realise i need 2 move on. i'm saying this because i felt a big pang after the individual "self-check". i also said this because i've always been paranoia of my own shadows so bad tht i feel rejected by the social in some peculiar manner-sort of 'i'm physically in the group but my brain/emotions don't belong in the group' feeling.

i did mention to square why i didn't do much acting during my "U" days. i told him i feel easily frustrated if i don't fulfill the character's "body & emotion"...well, here's my answer. i'm afraid to indulge/attach deeply into characters tht partially represents my TRUE emotions; i'm afraid 2 let all the skeletons in my closet out & i let them haunt me the rest of my entire life!! scary, isn't it?in my opinion, i feel tht it's high time 4 me to face the real me & carry on with my life...the evaluation was more than an evaluation 2 me; it's was a reality check on myself & my emotions. now i feel less paranoid...hopefully i'll be a better person in times 2 come.

btw, 4 ghafir & victor:
when rey said i really blew him away with my lines "Go wash yourself", wht did he mean by tht?? i'm just curious & i'm all ears 2 knw. pls. comment on tht, thanx.

ok, enough scaring everybody on this blog...sorry guys, but i just got 2 let these out coz this is wht i felt aft. the evaluation thingy... & my graditudes 2 sums & ghafir 4 "baby-sitting" me aft. the session...i can't express anything more than THANK YOU. & the chakra exercise held aft. the evaluation really helped me a lot into stabilizing my energy & emotions inside. i think if i've not participated in the exercise, i'll be more & more unstable, paranoid to the core coz i'll start 2 think wht others will think of me etc, etc, etc. & I"LL NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT TIL I GO NUTS!!!

>phew!!<

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