looking forward & not turning back

Posted by alia at 5:46 PM

Friday, December 10, 2004

final day of the week...

looking forward into the weekend, get good rest & prepare myself for the VTC session this Sat. man...i'm so goddamn tired slept in the bus all the way back home. oh, my revised/ revamped script - cut short to 2mins. so have to be straight forward then...gotta crack me useless brain to squeeze out its juices later today...need some rest before rewriting the whole goddamn thing.

contd...
11/12/04
interesting session. got most "confessions" out of everyone, including me. no more hiding frm ppl, nor afraid of anything else. most members are becoming more & more closer now,that's good.


"a moment of carthasis (really???)" retrieved frm youth.arm blog

Posted by alia at 10:19 PM

Friday, December 03, 2004

hello ppl!

1st of all, thanx paik yin, i think i should advertise my blog link right in this very post. it's http://babblesnramblings.blogspot.com
like ghafir, i'm also new into all these blogging stuff, so i guess i'll take it slowly & gently at a time..

hmm....how should i start??? after all the evaluation conundrums (shall i just ditch the word evaluation & just call it frantic self-check???) we all went thru (or maybe it was just me??i bet everyone's feeling the same ya), i realise tht it takes more than just plain jump off the cliff...it depends on each & every individual on how they confront/handle the situation (or tension, rather).as for me, i realise tht i can indulge into something very, very, VERY DEEPLY & i personally find it dificult 2 let go of things/memories until i realise i need 2 move on. i'm saying this because i felt a big pang after the individual "self-check". i also said this because i've always been paranoia of my own shadows so bad tht i feel rejected by the social in some peculiar manner-sort of 'i'm physically in the group but my brain/emotions don't belong in the group' feeling.

i did mention to square why i didn't do much acting during my "U" days. i told him i feel easily frustrated if i don't fulfill the character's "body & emotion"...well, here's my answer. i'm afraid to indulge/attach deeply into characters tht partially represents my TRUE emotions; i'm afraid 2 let all the skeletons in my closet out & i let them haunt me the rest of my entire life!! scary, isn't it?in my opinion, i feel tht it's high time 4 me to face the real me & carry on with my life...the evaluation was more than an evaluation 2 me; it's was a reality check on myself & my emotions. now i feel less paranoid...hopefully i'll be a better person in times 2 come.

btw, 4 ghafir & victor:
when rey said i really blew him away with my lines "Go wash yourself", wht did he mean by tht?? i'm just curious & i'm all ears 2 knw. pls. comment on tht, thanx.

ok, enough scaring everybody on this blog...sorry guys, but i just got 2 let these out coz this is wht i felt aft. the evaluation thingy... & my graditudes 2 sums & ghafir 4 "baby-sitting" me aft. the session...i can't express anything more than THANK YOU. & the chakra exercise held aft. the evaluation really helped me a lot into stabilizing my energy & emotions inside. i think if i've not participated in the exercise, i'll be more & more unstable, paranoid to the core coz i'll start 2 think wht others will think of me etc, etc, etc. & I"LL NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT TIL I GO NUTS!!!

>phew!!<

VTC comments on individual evaluation (updated)

Posted by alia at 10:05 PM

frm victor via email, Tue, 30 Nov 2004 09:23:51 -0800 (PST):
;-) nice to know there are ppl who appriciate our efforts...

ill be abroad for the weekend. so hope you guys get the best out of Ghfir's workshop.. ask all u can.. next week when we get together, lets review the evaluation and improve on all yer pieces..

also nice to know some ppl have started to open up.... we need more of that guys..

toodaloo....cherios .. and cornflakes..



frm square via youth.arm blog, 11/30/2004 07:41:57 PM:
"i did mention to square why i didn't do much acting during my "U" days. i told him i feel easily frustrated if i don't fulfill the character's "body & emotion"...well, here's my answer. i'm afraid to indulge/attach deeply into characters tht partially represents my TRUE emotions; i'm afraid 2 let all the skeletons in my closet out & i let them haunt me the rest of my entire life!! scary, isn't it?"
I think most people have a similar peeve. It's scary, no doubt, yet at the same time, its beautiful: because it is real. It is truth.I personally am quite the other extreme. I find it easier to indulge/attach into a character that represents what I am or feel. I love digging down to that bottomless pit that is my soul to reassure myself that it is not devoid of emotions, of feeling; that my soul does have nuances, be it anger, sadness, confusion or glee.
"in my opinion, i feel tht it's high time 4 me to face the real me & carry on with my life...the evaluation was more than an evaluation 2 me; it's was a reality check on myself & my emotions. now i feel less paranoid...hopefully i'll be a better person in times 2 come."
I am very glad that the evaluation brought upon such a carthatic effect for you - you're not the only one I'm sure. On another note, I am more glad to know that the YA program has so far been productive.Don't be too hard on yourself, but don't not be as well. If that makes sense. Frantic self-checks are part and parcel to improving yourself and getting better, as an actor, or as a person.

frm sums via youth.arm blog, 11/30/2004 07:31:39 PM:
i'll tell u this much. that bit rey was talking about... it felt so real. i got kinda creeped out in fact. but good job nevertheless.n ure welcome. anytime.

intro

Posted by alia at 9:58 PM

ok!

welcome to my blog. hopefully with this new web blog, i'm able to add & create new post just to update myself & perhaps others (if you guys are able to add some input as a reminder to me, i really appreciate 'em v.much).

any comments etc. are warmly welcomed here. & i don't mind if you guys kutuk me in my own blog. i'm beign dead honest here.

'nuff said. the rest is up to you ppl.